Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Rewritng of a Passage

So John began to dream of Time. Time, the never resting manager of all dictating its will to the world. The great master of all held on the wrist of man yet free to do as it pleases. What need does time have for a master, and what man may hold him as his own? He hovers high in heaven over looking his domain.standing patiant andd still yet ever constantly moving foward, waithing for his steed to carry him to the end. Been standing there before there was a where yet always moving foward. John was liabale to find a hair from his mane floating in the wind. John was terrified and depressed. Poor Mike! He should not have to fight the pressures of time on his own. John ordered Jim to councel him but Mike refused. The councelers knew all of pain, but they knew nothing of the passage of time. Mike would be fine as soon as time had been vanquished thru imortality. He wasn't going to age. Thats what Mike believed. But Jim told john differntly. And if Jim had said nothing. John would have know by the gathering of wrinkles under the worn pair of delecate orbs. Wrinkles that would once not of dared to imposse a man so energetic now advanced methodicaly. Creeping foward with each dip of the sun. Age, the speedy stalion had finaly taken the lead.

5 comments:

  1. This is so good!!! Your two ideas that are being personified fit together so well! And I like how you called the eyes delecate orbs, good use of imagery, you could have just said "eyes" but this is so much cooler. And I like the oxymoron of time standing still but moving forward, too. And how Mike tries to defy Time, but Time is the "great master of all" and Mike is just in denial. Good job!

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  2. Nice Ben. You surprise me every time. :) The paradox of time standing still and yet still moving forward is tight. I love how Mike tries to tell himself that he won't age, but he will. Because Time is the master of all!

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  3. good stuff...I liked how you compared time to a never resting manager dictating the world, it basically summed up time pretty well. I also liked your alliteration in the 5th sentence.

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  4. Nicely written Harbolt..I found it very interesting when you compared "time to a never resting manager dictating the world." Also, the use of imagery when you called the eyes " delicate orbs" very unique way of saying it.

    Great Job Bro!!

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  5. I liked yours alot because, just the subject of time and age is interesting to me. Your word choice all in a way related to each other, and it just flow smoothly through out. Your syntax was amazing and great job follow the structure of Zora Neale Hurston.

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